Goodbye Gloria, hello…Ellen?

It is with some regret that I am making public the news of my split with Gloria. We have decided to part ways. She was a reliable lass, but she did have a serious drinking problem that put significant strain on our relationship (as well as my wallet) and I think that she was smoking – at least she smelled as if she had a 6 pack a day habit. I did try to talk it over with her (yes, really), but all she did was beep at me (yes, really).

So a couple of weeks ago Gloria and I split up, and she has since been replaced with a younger model (isn’t it always the way?).

Gloria, I will miss your plush, pillowy softness, and your mood-lit back seat, but I think we both know it wasn’t meant to be.

So, say hello to Ellen, as I have tentatively christened my new car – a Subaru wagon. I have been reliably informed (thank you, Liz) that cars must be female. And apparently the Subaru is the the most lesbian car on the road … so… butch car + female name = Ellen. (And she is a sorta funny lesbian, though I’m not sure if she’s “ha-ha” funny, or the other kind…)

Anyway, if you have any better ideas for names, I’m open to suggestions…